There are so many things I could add to my list of what I wish I knew before starting IVF treatments. After nearly 3 years of unexplained infertility, when I woke up from a diagnostic surgery and was hearing the letters IVF, I was heartbroken, worried, scared, and confused. I had no idea how to move forward, whether we could financially afford IVF, and IVF certainly was never in my plans for building a family.
In vitro fertilization (IVF) is a complex and emotionally charged process. It can be a very difficult decision to decide whether or not to pursue IVF, and it is important to be well-informed before making a decision. I had so many questions, but the biggest one of all was: Is IVF right for me?
After much prayer, research, and deliberation, we did decided that it was right for our family and we were blessed to be able to scraped together the finances and emotional support to do so. But I know that’s not the case for every family. I wanted to put together this post to share what I wish I knew before doing IVF to attempt to grow my family.
⭐️Related Posts You May Find Helpful⭐️
- What to Expect with Your First IVF Cycle: a Step-by-Step Guide
- What to Expect with a Frozen Embryo Transfer: A Step by Step Guide
And if you are in the midst of IVF or about to start, you will love my IVF Printable Planning Bundle. It comes with 36 different printable sheets to help keep you organized while going through IVF.
Click here to grab the planner bundle!⤵️
Here’s What I Wish I Knew Before Starting IVF Treatments
1. Understand the process.
IVF is a medical procedure that involves the fertilization of an egg with sperm in a laboratory setting. The fertilized egg is then implanted in the uterus. It bypasses the fallopian tubes when placing the embryo into the uterus. This process can be done with your own eggs and your husband’s sperm, or one or both can be from donors if your cause of infertility stems from one or both of these. You can also so IVF with donor embryo’s if neither of you are able to provide eggs or sperm. IVF is a complex process that requires multiple steps and appointments and can be unique to each family’s situation.
In my personal case, my diagnostic surgery resulted in finding extensive endometriosis and showed that both of my fallopian tubes were filled with scar tissue. This is why we were encouraged to pursue IVF as our best option for glowing our family. My doctor felt like given our circumstances, we were good candidates for it.
2. Know the risks and benefits.
IVF is a safe and effective procedure for many women, but there are some risks associated with it. These risks include ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome (OHSS), multiple pregnancy, and ectopic pregnancy. It is important to discuss the risks and benefits of IVF with your doctor. Luckily, I never experienced OHSS and this is partly due to the fact that my fertility doctor took a pretty conservative approach to medication. I had appointments every few days to monitor my follicle growth and they adjusted my medication up and down accordingly.
You should also know that IVF does not guarantee a baby. I know some women who have gone through IVF and have many children. On the other hand, I know others who have done multiple rounds and have no living children. This is the heartbreaking reality of such a procedure but for me, I decided it was worth it to at least try and know, than to never try and never know.
3. Consider your financial situation.
I wish I knew how expensive IVF can be, and that not all insurance plans cover it. It is important to consider your financial situation before starting IVF. Unfortunately, we did not have any insurance coverage at all when we pursued our first cycle of IVF. We had to take some of the money from savings, save additional funds, sell a few things, and then get a small loan to pay for the rest. Thankfully, we were blessed to be able to pay everything off within about a year of our first cycle.
I know some will not agree with getting a loan or borrowing money for this, but the way I saw it, we get loans for cars, houses, college, and so much more every single day and we don’t even bat an eyelash about that. Getting a loan for a medical procedure to have a child just seems odd because it’s not the norm. However, that doesn’t make it wrong to do so. This was a priority for me and my husband and that’s what we chose to do.
4. Build a strong support system.
I wish I knew how emotionally draining IVF can be. It is important to have a strong support system in place to help you through the process. Having a supportive spouse, friend, mom, or just someone to talk to about the process is huge.
However, most people truly have no idea what it’s like and they won’t really know how to support you, even though they want to. It’s important to try to find a community of other women who get it. For me, that meant following women on Instagram who shared their IVF journey, reading and joining IVF forums, reading blog posts and saving Pinterest pins about IVF. Reading about others’ journeys made me feel less alone.
5. Be prepared for emotional ups and downs.
IVF is an emotional rollercoaster. There will be days when you feel hopeful and optimistic, and there will be days when you feel discouraged and defeated. It is important to be prepared for these emotional ups and downs.
During my first cycle, I remember finding out that one of my ovaries was not responding at all to the medication. I was so disappointed and worried that we wouldn’t have any embryos to transfer and we’d have to do another full cycle… which we certainly could not afford for many years. But I hung onto hope and we did end up with 5 embryos that made it through the process with us.
I also remember being heartbroken on transfer day when the doctor told us none of our other remaining embryos had developed enough to freeze so the 2 we were transferring that day were it for us. But the next day I received a call from the embryologist that all 3 embryos had caught up overnight and looked beautiful and ready to freeze. Like I said… it’s an emotional roller coaster!
There will be a lot of ups and downs so just take it one day at a time and try not to get ahead of yourself. Things can change for the good or bad in an instant.
6. Take care of yourself.
Before starting my first IVF cycle, I wish I had known how important it was to take care of myself during the process. IVF can take a toll on your physical and emotional health. It is important to take care of yourself during this time. This means eating healthy, getting enough sleep, and exercising regularly. I tried to take on a few hobbies during our first cycle to keep me occupied. I was a teacher at the time and it was summer, so I needed something to do while I was not working and anxiously counting away the cycle days, injecting meds, and driving back and forth to all my appointments.
Daily walks, either outside or on the treadmill, helped me stay active and not dwell too much on what was happening inside my body. I just kept things light (except as I got closer to my egg retrieval and just followed doctor’s orders on movement during that time to prevent OHSS). Also, I read books in the evening, found new TV shows, and scrolled Pinterest for baby items with a very hopeful heart (full honesty).
7. Don’t give up.
IVF is not a guarantee of success. Some women may need to undergo multiple rounds of IVF before they get pregnant. It is important to take breaks, listen to your body, and re-evaluate the plan when needed. Some women are successful after multiple rounds at the same clinic, some women need to try a new clinic after a few failed rounds. Some women get pregnant on the first round, some women never get pregnant. This is just the unfortunate truth when it comes to IVF. Fertility treatments can be absolutely draining. Never be afraid to take a step back and do what is right for you and your family.
8. Seek professional help if needed.
If you are struggling to cope with the emotional stress of IVF or any other fertility treatments, it is important to seek professional help. A therapist can help you develop coping mechanisms and manage your stress levels. Infertility can bring on immense physical, mental, and emotional stress. Having someone on the outside to talk to can really help because they aren’t emotional about it like maybe you or your spouse or your best friend are. This could be a great form of self-care or a way to manage the stress during your infertility journey.
9. Don’t rush into a decision.
Take your time to decide if IVF is the right path for you. There is no right or wrong answer, and the decision is ultimately up to you and your partner. Some women do end up getting pregnant without IVF, even after a professional told them there was no hope. Some will never get pregnant without it (this was likely my case). I did lots of research on clinics as well as IVF in general before my husband and I decided we were ready to give it a try. I honestly did not want to go that route, but we ultimately felt like we had no other viable options. You may have options depending on your fertility diagnosis and situation. Do your research and take your time.
10. Get a second opinion.
If you are unsure about whether or not to pursue IVF, it is important to get a second opinion from another doctor. This is something I actually did not do and I wish I had done it. After the fact, I learned there can be ways to possibly clear fallopian tubes through surgery and even natural methods. However, I took one doctor’s word for it and we just headed straight to the fertility clinic.
Now, we could have wasted our time with second opinions and spent thousands more on alternatives, only to end up still needing IVF. This is essentially why we decided to go straight there. If we were going to spend time and money, I really wanted to spend it on our best chance possible. Based on our situation, we were good IVF candidates. But I’d encourage you to do your research, get a second opinion if you want it, and then decided if IVF is your course or not.
11. Educate yourself.
There are many resources available to help you learn more about IVF. These resources can help you make an informed decision about whether or not to pursue IVF. From blog posts to medical articles to forums to Facebook groups, there are tons of ways to learn about the process and help yourself decide if it’s right for you. I’d also encourage you to contact the fertility clinic you are considering and ask for some information or their IVF welcome packet to help you make your decision. This is something I wish I had done in hindsight.
12. Be patient and thorough.
And most of all, what I wish I knew before IVF is that the process that takes time. It is important to be patient and find a doctor that you trust. If you are investing time, money, and emotions, you want to be careful about choosing the right treatment center and doctor. Do your research, find an IVF clinic that you trust and feel comfortable with, ask lots of questions, get a written treatment plan from your doctor, and take it one day at a time.
Remember, you are not alone.
Many women have gone through IVF and other fertility treatments and have come out the other side with a healthy baby. There are many support groups available to help you through the process. If you are considering IVF, I encourage you to do your research and talk to your doctor. IVF can be a challenging and isolating process, but you don’t have to do it alone. What do you wish you knew before starting IVF?